Real Men

A “real man”:

• Defends his honour with his fist.
• Never cries.
• “Mans up”.
• Makes jokes about his “ball and chain”.
• Oggles attractive women, wherever possible.
• Shouts as communication.
• Hides his emotions.
• Cares about “number one”.
• Enjoys beer, the more the better.
• Can fix anything, or he’s a failure.
• Is always in control.
• Encourages friends to have another beer.
• Never lets a friend leave a party early.
• Makes fun of people wherever possible.
• Favours trouble over peace.
• Loves watching sport more than anything.
• Drives a fast car.
• Earns more than his wife.
• Always wins.
• Is as strong as an ox.
• Feels bad about failing at any of the above.

Fuck that. I’m done with it.