Real Men

A “real man”:

  • Defends his honour with his fist.
  • Never cries.
  • “Mans up”.
  • Makes jokes about his “ball and chain”.
  • Oggles attractive women, wherever possible.
  • Shouts as communication.
  • Hides his emotions.
  • Cares about “number one”.
  • Enjoys beer, the more the better.
  • Can fix anything, or he’s a failure.
  • Is always in control.
  • Encourages friends to have another beer.
  • Never lets a friend leave a party early.
  • Makes fun of people wherever possible.
  • Favours trouble over peace.
  • Loves watching sport more than anything.
  • Drives a fast car.
  • Earns more than his wife.
  • Always wins.
  • Is as strong as an ox.
  • Feels bad about failing at any of the above.

Fuck that. I’m done with it.